


Our girl

by f0rgedby_fantasy



Category: Supernatural, Supernatural Novels - Various
Genre: F/M, Hurt Dean Winchester, Hurt Sam Winchester, Multi, Protective Dean Winchester, Protective Sam Winchester, Reader-Insert, Reader-Interactive, Sam Winchester-centric, Soulless Sam Winchester
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-28
Updated: 2018-05-19
Packaged: 2018-11-06 02:50:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11027061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/f0rgedby_fantasy/pseuds/f0rgedby_fantasy
Summary: Playing around with the idea of the reader being stuck between the brothers, who are just starting to get back to hunting after Sam has returned from hell and now has his soul back. The original series timeline will be a little warped, as I'm going to have to twist it slightly to fit my story.(Y/n) was Sam's girlfriend when he went to hell, and she and Dean became rather close when Sam was gone, and when Sam came back without a soul, he didn't care about their relationship at all. This will feature a series of one shots, all in separate chapters. They will all be linked with this story line.





	1. Sam's return

**Author's Note:**

> Title is working.
> 
> Please comment any requests or questions :)
> 
> This first chapter is sort of getting a back ground on everything.

It was wrong, they both knew. 

It started with them spending a little too much time together; after Sam went to hell with Lucifer, they struggled to get their lives in motion. Dean started trying for a life with Lisa, but seeing (y/n) messing up her life, he couldn't stay with Lisa. He couldn't watch his brother's girl mess her life up in his memory. 

It did begin with honest intention - he merely wanted to help her. He knew Sam would want him to help her too. They soon slipped into old habits; hunting, chilling out at the bunker, washing the impala and making fun of Castiel's cluelessness. It was the same as it had been when Sam was around, there was an empty chair but their relationship didn't change. At least not for a while. 

It didn't take long for them both to feel something for one and other. They told themselves and each other that it was their way of keeping Sam's memory alive - no one knew him like they did, it made sense that they would want to comfort each other. It had been (y/n) to make the first move. 

She had found a shirt of Sam's, and it still had his scent. She had cried. She had tried to be quiet, but she had been sleeping in Sam's room, right beside Dean's. He had heard to sniffling and had gone to make sure she was okay. He sat on the bed with her as she cried, and he held her against him while she held Sam's shirt to her chest. Crying, she had looked at Dean, and seen a tear slip down his face, and she felt herself reach up and touch his lips against hers. They tasted each other's tears as Dean had kissed her back, and she reached up to trace her fingers across his cheek. He tangled his hands in her hair, and as she shifted slightly, the gentle scent of Sam passed her nose. 

She abruptly pulled back, dropping Sam's shirt as she shot to the other side of the room. She had panicked, apologising to Dean. She didn't mean to, she shouldn't have done. She was so sorry. 

Dean apologised back. He didn't mean to do it, it was fine, she didn't need to apologise. 

She told him he should leave the room, and he did. 

After that, things began to change. They kissed a bit more, each time (y/n) feeling a little less guilty, Dean feeling just as guilty as he had the first time. Until one day, he didn't feel any guilt. All his feelings were for her. Why should he feel guilty? He was taking care of her, he was treating her well and she cared for him as much as he cared for her. 

They were almost a couple until the day Sam walked back into their lives. Literally. He walked through the door of the bunker. Sam was back and they were as confused as ever. Their relationship hit immediate brakes. They said nothing to Sam, they didn't speak of their relationship until Sam made a move on (y/n). He wasn't the way he had usually been to her, he wasn't loving, he wasn't gentle. He didn't really want to be with her, he just wanted to knock one out. That was when each of them began to have their suspicions. It was soon discovered that he didn't have a soul. 

He soon found ougt about Dean and (y/n) having had somewhat of a relationship, he gave them his blessing. He told them he didn't care about either of them enough to be bothered by them sleeping together. 

Now, Sam was laying in his bed, in a coma he had been put in by Death, to give him his soul back. Dean and (y/n) sat together and held each other's hands. Their foreheads were touching, and Dean kissed her. 

"This started with us trying to hold onto Sam, but it turned into more," he told her. "I actually care about you, (y/n). I care about you a lot." 

"There's too much history for things or to back to the way they were 18 months ago," she whispered. "I can't just stop being with you." 

"That's a bridge we'll cross when we come to it," he stroked her hair and tucked a few strands behind her ear. "But, Sam and I will get past whatever has happened. I'll take you through that with us."

"I won't be the thing that comes between you two," she sat back and looked at him seriously. 

"You won't, babe. I won't lose either of you." 

Dean hadn't entirely finished his last word when (y/n)'s head snapped towards the right, and she looked in the direction of the door. Dean then heard the footsteps too. Sam walked through the door, just as (y/n) was pulling her fingers from Dean's. She stood up and looked at him. Was he the heartless man that had spoken to her a matter of days beforehand? Was he about to laugh in her face, and tell her he didn't love her again? 

"Sam?" Dean's voice shook as he walked from round the table and came closer to his brother. 

Sam looked as though he may cry, and ran to his brother and threw his arms around him. He then ran to (y/n) and swept her up in his arms and held her close. She saw Dean's face behind Sam. 

He was back, Sam was back. And where did that leave them all?


	2. Inevitable awkwardness.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Building the tension between (y/n), Dean and Sam. 
> 
> (Y/n) was Sam's girlfriend before he went to hell, and whilst he was gone, Dean and (y/n) unintentionally started a relationship. Now that Sam is back, things are... Complicated.

(Y/n) sat at the table in the library. She was working on a case involving a vamps nest on the other side of Kansas. She had a book on the table to her left, her laptop right in front of her, an iPad in her hand and her mobile phone sitting on the left side or her laptop. She couldn't even concentrate or read the words on the tablet right in front of her. 

Sam had gone back to sleep. He was still tired even though he had slept for almost 24 hours. Dean was cooking dinner, for all three of them. 

They were all supposed to sit together at the dinner table. They were supposed to act normal. 

Dean walked in with a bottle of wine and two glasses. "Dinner will be in about 10 minutes." 

He set the glasses down and opened the bottle. He poured the blood red liquid into the glass he had placed beside (y/n), and the rich smell hit her nose before he had finished pouring. He then poured his, and extended his glass out to cheers her.  
"To maybe getting our lives back on track... And the inevitable awkward situations that shall arise." 

They clinked glasses just as Sam walked in. 

"Since when do you both drink red wine?" 

"Since Dean found the vintage stash the Men of Letters left behind," (y/n) said, taking a swig. 

"I'm just gonna plate up!" Dean declared as he dashed out of the room. "We can eat in here."

Sam sat down beside (y/n). He studied her face, and she pretended she didn't know, and carried on struggling to read the words on her tablet. He sighed and she couldn't help but look at him. 

Their eyes met.

"What happened to us?" 

She was stunned by the question. "What?"

"What did I do to you when I was walking around with no soul?" He leaned a bit closer to her, and she instinctively leaned back a little. "Cas told me we're not together anymore, like I needed telling after the way you've been dodging me all evening."

"What else did Cas tell you?" Dean's voice boomed from the doorway. He had a plate in each hand and a third balancing on his forearm. "I told him to keep his mouth shut."

"Dean, how could you not tell me that I've been walking around without a soul for the last 18 months?!" Sam turned on his brother as he walked into the library, placing the meals on the table. 

"Sam, I didn't tell you because it's dangerous for you to know," Dean told him. "If you know too much, the wall will break down and so will your mental state." 

Dean sat on (y/n)'s other side. 

"I just want to know how I pushed you away, how I ruined this relationship!" Sam shouted. 

(Y/n) shot back in her chair. Sam was shocked by her reaction to his outburst. There was genuine fear in her eyes. 

"Did I hurt you?!"

** FLASHBACK ** 

Sam was drinking the whiskey straight out of the bottle, throwing it back as if it were water. The rain was drumming on the roof of the bunker, setting the most depressing scene. (Y/n) watched as Sam walked down the hallway towards his room, bottle in hand. She eyed the bottle and then his face. He glared at her. 

"What? I can't drink in my own home?" 

"I just thought you might want a glass," she tried to smoothly cover her concern. "Maybe some ice?" 

"Just let me finish my bottle in peace," he walked away, "if I drink enough I might consider fucking you." 

They hadn't been together at all since Sam had come back. She had tried to initiate it, but he simply wasn't interested. It was so confusing. He hadn't wanted her at all. She was still dealing with the change in her feelings for Dean, but since they agreed to move past their fling, she was trying to get her relationship with Sam back on track, and what better place to start than sex?

"You're disgusting," (y/n) shouted at him, tears stinging her eyes. 

Sam rushed at her, backing her against the wall in the narrow corridor. He still held the bottle in his left hand. She gritted her teeth and looked up at him, refusing to show her fear. Something wasn't right with him, and it hadn't been since he came back from hell. 

He was so close to her face she could feel his breath. He bent down, his lips brushing hers, and laughed. 

"I'm disgusting," he chuckled coldly, "but you'd still be with me in a heartbeat." 

She slapped him round the face, with such force he dropped the bottle of whiskey. It smashed on the floor, somewhere off to (y/n)'s right. He chuckled again, but his face changed. His hands reached the neckline of her loose t-shirt and he held it threateningly. 

"I was gonna drink that." 

Dean appeared beside the smashed bottle. 

"Let her go, Sam."

Sam did let go, but he didn't back away. He looked at Dean with just as much coldness on his face. When (y/n) tried to move away, Sam's arm shot up against the wall, blocking her path. He didn't even look in her direction, his eyes were locked with Dean's. 

"Don't hurt a hair on that woman's head, Sam," Dean warned. "She's done nothing but try to help you."

Sam's head slowly turned to look back at the small frame in front of him. Everything she had enjoyed about him; his height, his floppy hair, his muscles and size, his huge hands.... It had all become something she feared. 

Sam raised his fist and punched the wall above (y/n)'s head. She screamed, Dean pulled out a gun and pointed it at his brother and shouted at him to stop. 

Sam laughed coldly. "I just wanted to see what you would do." 

He walked away laughing, and looked down at the broken whiskey bottle. "You might want to clean that up". 

** FLASHBACK FINISHED **

"No," she told him. "You just weren't you, Sam."


	3. The Way Things Used To Be

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam sees how much (y/n) has changed since he was in hell. Sam also learns why his life with Lisa didn't work out.
> 
> The song lyrics I've included are Figures by Jessie Reyez. Check the song out, it shows the sort of hurt and anger that (y/n) is feeling.

The brothers sat opposite each other in the library, a beer in each of their left hands. (Y/n) had excused herself. Sam was asking for updates on recent happenings, current events, he begged for information on his activities for the last year and a half. No matter how much he asked, Dean only gave him the bare minimum, terrified of breaking down the wall. Even so, Dean only knew Sam's every move for the last six months. The year before he had come back to Dean, he had helped their not-so-dead Grandfather, Samuel, with hunting and trapping Alpha monsters. Dean didn't plan on telling Sam that part, not if he could avoid it.

Sam felt different, tired. Still so tired, despite his almost seventy-two hours of sleep. Dean had told him not to worry; he was obviously catching up on the sleep he'd lost since coming back.

Sam saw movement in the corner of his eye. (Y/n) walked past the doorway of the library, and he heard the basement door creak open, and slam shut again. He hadn't seen her entire outfit, but he was sure she wasn't wearing much, and some gloves maybe?

"Where is she going?"

Dean stood up and signalled for his brother to come with him. The taller man followed his older brother to the basement, and when he opened the door, loud music came flowing up the stairs. Dean put a finger over his lips, telling Sam to keep quiet, and began to lead the way down the steps. There was another door at the bottom of the steps, with a rather convenient glass panel, allowing them full view of the room. What had been an empty basement, was now an indoor gym.

There were free-weights, a cross trainer, a running machine, various seats and benches, a hanging punch bag, and a more scary looking punch bag, that looked like a man without arms or legs, just a torso and head.

(Y/n) was dressed in purple work out shorts and a matching sports bra. Her trainers were nike, and burgandy in colour, obviously brand new. Her hair was lighter than Sam remembered, much lighter. She was also slimmer - not that she had ever been anything but slim, she hadn't ever even been on the softer side. She now had rock hard, visible muscle over her stomach, and her thighs were so toned, the muscled virtually rippled with every step she took.

The gloves on her hands were similar to sparring gloves - tight, scuba type material with thicker padding over the knuckles. She was squaring up to the hanging punch bag, and she was already glistening with sweat. She made the first punch, not too hard, seemingly a tester punch. Her beats pill speaker was crashing out some morbidly depressing song that sam didn't recognise. He tried to listen to the lyrics, but he couldn't concentrate as he watched her.

_Figures._

(Y/n) then began to hit the hanging sack with a sequence of blows. She stepped into her punches, and they were calculated, accurate hits. She never missed the spot; the strike landed on the same spot every time. There was clear anger in her, the brothers could see it from the other side of the door.

_I gave it all and you gave me shit._

She then threw in a few kicks, pretty standard kicks to the side of the punch bag. She carried on punching, kicking and her frustrated grunts could be heard from the other side of the door. She then spun, kicked the punch bag in mid air, and landed perfectly in the same stance. 

_I wish I could hurt you back._

She stopped beating the crap out of the bag, sweating. As she picked up her water bottle, Sam turned to Dean

"When did she go fitness crazy?"

Dean didn't take his eyes off her, not even to answer Sam. "She got fed up of always being behind a weapon, said she wanted to defend herself without anyone's help. Started when we moved back here."

"Moved back?" Sam asked.

Dean sighed. "I did try things with Lisa, and (y/n) moved in with Bobby for a few months."

"What happened?" Sam asked.

"Story for another time," Dean quickly brushed off.

(Y/n) dropped to the floor and began to do some push ups. Her arms were more muscle bound than Sam remembered, and she couldn't have done more than ten push ups. He watched as she did fifty without stopping. Without shaking.

_Tell me boy, how in the fuck would you feel? If you couldn't get me back_

Without taking a breather, she spun over and began to do some sit ups. She was facing the door, and every time she sat up, the brothers ducked down behind the door, and popped back up again when she lay back. This carried on for all the twenty she did. 

_Figures_

When she stood up, she went over to her beats pill and took it over to the running machine. Dean clapped his brother on the shoulder.

"She's gonna run for about half an hour without stopping," he told Sam. "I've seen it many times, I don't need to see it many more."

He turned and walked up the stairs. Sam watched as she ran for a few steps. Her legs were long, tanned. She had scars he didn't remember. He sighed and turned to follow Dean. 

The brothers returned to their table, to their beers.

"I'm sorry things didn't work out with Lisa," Sam said. "I'm glad you tried."

"Yeah, the old life kept coming back to haunt me, it doesn't leave you."

Sam took a swig of his beer. "You mean, (y/n) kept coming back to haunt you."

Dean paused. He considered the best way to handle this. He wasn't at all sure where Sam was going with this.

"Dean, I more than bet she kept checking up on you, asking for help with cases," Sam said. "She's the reason you're not with Lisa, isn't she?"

"I wouldn't say she's the reason, or that it's her fault," Dean began. "She was a major factor in my realisation to why I can't just settle down to an apple pie life with a wife and a kid."

Sam just looked at Dean, pressing him for more.

"I lived with Lisa and Ben for three months," Dean sighed. "Things were going really well until Bobby called me. He called because (y/n) had gone off the rails completely -  the cops took her home from some bar four times in one week. She was drunk almost all the time, she was taking drugs, she tried hunting alone and kept coming back pretty knocked up."

Sam tried to avoid his mouth dropping open.

"I went there to try and talk some sense into her... and found her dancing on the bar," Dean recalled. "She was drunk, or high -  I don't know, but she was not in a good way, Sammy."

"I like to think I was dancing tastefully."

The female voice made both the brother's jump out of their skin. Neither of them had heard the basement door creak. (Y/n) stood in the doorway. Her ponytail was clinging to her sweat clad shoulders and neck. 

"Dean invited me into his home - Lisa's home. They helped me, but I wasn't planning on stopping hunting," (Y/n) took over the story telling. "Lisa didn't want it going on around Ben, and she didn't think having a grieving, drunk-drug addict around her impressionable son was healthy, so, understandably she kicked me out after two weeks."

Dean wasn't looking at her, he couldn't. He knew she felt guilty, but truthfully, picking her hadn't been so hard. 

"Dean tried to change her mind, she wouldn't. Then he was trying to help me, I slept in his car twice, Lisa still wasn't happy," she sighed. "Eventually, she told him to choose. She didn't want me around her son. Me and hunting, or her and Ben."

"You chose (Y/n) and hunting over your apple pie life?" Sam was shocked. 

"I couldn't watch her destroy herself," Dean whispered. "And family always comes first."


	4. The way things are now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam is still coming to grips with being back, and he wants to get his relationship with (y/n) back on track. The only thing standing in the way, unknown to Sam, are her feelings for Dean.  
> Building on the tension between the characters...

(Y/n) had gone for a shower. She was sweaty and covered in her own shame after telling Sam how she dragged Dean away from his happiness.  
Sam's room was almost opposite the bathroom, and he stood inside the door waiting for her to walk past. He wanted to speak to her, alone. He wasn't exactly sure what he wanted to say, he hoped it would all come to him once he was standing in front of her.

Dean walked by the bathroom with a towel, making Sam back away from the crack in his door he was peaking through. Dean opened the bathroom door and hung a baby pink towel on the back of the door. (Y/n) then appeared right in front of Sam. She had her back to him, and blocked the opening of the door. She was wearing a short, black satin dressing gown, which had her nickname embroidered on the back in gold thread. As she came to stand beside Dean, Sam could see the matching initials over the left breast. He wondered where she had got it. 

"I put your towel in there," Dean told her quietly. "It was still in my room... And I put a few other things in your room, on your bed."

"Thanks," she replied.

Something was wrong. She spoke slightly stiffly. She sounded annoyed. She then opened the bathroom door, and just as she was stepping through the door, Dean caught her arm.

"Do you think I regret the choice I made?" He asked her. "Coming back here with you, I mean."

She glanced down at his hand on her arm, and then met his eyes. 

"I would understand if you wanted to go back, Dean," she told him in a sad whisper. "Now that Sam's back things are different."

"Nothing's different, we're still family," he told her. He placed a hand on the back of her neck. "We're still family, and we still need each other. I mean, sure, things may be a little more complicated now that Sam is back, and we're gonna have to be careful about the wall in his head, but he'll get better. He's a big boy."

"That's not what I meant, Dean." 

Dean's hand dropped from her neck and he leaned a little closer, taking her hands.

"You think I want to go back to Lisa because it's not just us anymore?" He sounded hurt, as if he thought she would expect more from her. "I've loved every crazy moment we've had for the last year, and now Sam is back! That's a hole filled, for both of us. And yes, I know why it's complicated now, but we'll deal with it. For now, we just need to all adjust to the way things are now."

"Is that why I'm sleeping in my own room tonight?" She asked.

"Hey, if you want, we can all bunk in Sam's? I've got a sleeping bag," he teased. 

It did the job; she smiled, almost laughed. She gave him a hug, squeezing him tightly.

"I don't want to lose either of you again," she said.

He kissed the top of her head, and whispered, "you're gonna lose everyone if you don't get in the shower soon, smelly."

She mockingly shoved him away, and turned into the bathroom. "You're pretty ripe yourself, stinky Pete!"

Dean chuckled to himself as he walked down the hallway. 

Sam was confused by their conversation. Parts of it made no sense to him, and they had obviously been very close while he'd been in hell. He liked that they had been there for one and other when they were both grieving. Anything more than that hadn't even crossed his mind before. Now, he wasn't necessarily thinking about just how close they had been, but something didn't feel right to him.

He glanced at the bathroom to see that (y/n) hadn't shut the bathroom door properly. He was about to step out and speak to her, when he saw her in the doorway. She dropped the dressing gown, to reveal her entirely naked body. She had her speaker in there with her, and she began to play Bad by The Cab. Sam couldn't believe how trim she had gotten. Then he saw she had a nipple piercing in her left breast. He was stunned. She had always wanted it done, but he hated them, so when they were together, she didn't get it done. She must have got it done after he went to hell. He suddenly wasn't as repulsed by nipple piercings as he had once been. He then watched her turn and jump into the bathtub and draw the shower curtain. The shower came on and the steam began to fill the bathroom. 

They had sex in that shower once, a long time ago, Sam remembered. He remembered the way he had held her up against the cold tiles as the warm water poured over them. He remembered the way her legs gripped around his hips, and he'd had to hold her entire weight as she had lost control of her muscles in pleasure. He remembered at how they laughed when he had tried to bend her over, but their height differences had made it impossible, and he had just picked her up again, swinging her legs over his forearms as he drilled into her against the wall.

Secretly, that's what she was thinking about as she showered. It was what she thought about everytime she showered; that shower was sacred territory. She had never told Dean that obviously - they had their own naughty memories... The kitchen table, the sofa, the library table, the Map table, various cars in the Men of Letters' garage, her own truck, the impala...

What was she going to do?

She felt awful keeping her relationship with Dean from Sam, but if she told Sam, she risked hurting him, and losing him. Telling him also ran the risk of the brothers making her choose, and she couldn't do that. She just couldn't. Whichever brother she chose, she would lose the other entirely - not to mention a Winchester would lose his brother. She couldn't bare to be the thing that came between them, no matter how much she wanted them both.


	5. Where I want to be

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (Y/n)'s side of the story is explained.

(Y/n) stood in her own bedroom. The room she used to sleep in before she had been with Sam - she'd barely ever slept in there. She had soon moved into Sam's room, and stayed there while he was gone... Then she moved into Dean's room. Awkward.

 _Sounds even worse when it's actually said out loud_ , she thought to herself. No-one would understand.

The room was bare, with just a load of things on the bed. Dean had moved a load of her things back into her room without even speaking to her.

She then considered how Sam would have felt if she had stayed with Dean, or if Sam had seen all her things in his room. There was no way around the truth there. She would talk to him, she really did plan to. It was just how she could tell him. How on earth could she tell him she fell in love with his brother? It wasn't a short story, and she was sure if he was willing to listen, he would eventually understand.

It wasn't like she one day just decided to switch brothers, and it wasn't like she hadn't told him once before...

** FLASHBACK **

Sam sat in the library, reading something on the screen of his laptop.

(Y/n) walked in, and he didn't look up. She was shocked to see him.

"You haven't moved for 7 hours," she said softly as she walked over to him. "You onto something?"

"Mmm," Sam mumbled shortly.

(Y/n) walked over, stood behind him and put her hands on his shoulders, giving them a tight squeeze and looking at what he studied. More possible locations of the Alphas. More maps, and more articles showing multiple unexplained deaths. She lowered herself down, resting her chin on his shoulder, and wrapped her arms around his upper body.

"You need anything?" She asked softly.

Sam rolled his eyes, and sighed irritably, "no."

(Y/n) released him from her arms and sighed back. She shot forward and snapped his laptop shut.

"Let me work," he ordered her.

"Not until you tell me what the hell is wrong with you! With us!" She shouted. His eyes met hers and his face didn't change. "Sam, I've given you so much time! You said you needed time, and you've been back here for 3 months - and that's without mentioning the year you didn't even want to let us know you were alive!"

"Maybe I just don't feel the same way anymore," he said back, without any sign of remorse. (Y/n) could barely get her words out.

"What?"

"I guess I just don't love you," he said, reaching out and grabbing his laptop, and reopening it.

"I don't really get why I ever did."

"I put up with so much shit from you, Sam!" (Y/n) shouted.

"I threw away something that I could have had with someone else to be with you, the second you walked through that door! Sam, I chose you over everything and you can't even thank me for washing your clothes!"

"You think I give a crap that you were seeing someone else?" Sam chuckled. "I've slept with so many women since I've been back, I lost count."

He stood up and picked his laptop up off the table. He pushed past her, heading out the room. Tears stung her eyes, and she stood there in disbelief at the things he had said.

"You have my blessing to carry on whatever doomed relationship you think you started."

Rage building, she couldn't keep it in anymore. "Oh really?! So you're happy for me to go back to Dean's bed?!"

Sam stopped walking and turned. "Oh. So, you're sleeping with my brother."

Dean chose that perfectly timed moment to make an appearance, standing in Sam's way.

"You both have my blessing," Sam said sincerely. "It's so nice that someone wants you."

** FLASHBACK OVER **

Throwing all the things that were covering the bed onto the floor, (Y/n) climbed into the bed and stared at the ceiling above her. This was the first time in months she was sleeping by herself. And she felt so lonely. She wasn't sure how many times she woke up in the night, but she found herself stirring to reach out across the bed to a person who wasn't there. Thinking carefully, she tried to think who it was she wanted in that bed with her. She firstly did think of Dean, but then immediately considered Sam. The only reason she had wanted Dean in the first place was because Sam had been so harsh towards her, and then her feelings for him had began to grow. But now, Sam was back, and seemingly back to his old self. Which meant he was her Sam again, the Sam she did love. So, which one did she want?


	6. Changing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (Y/n) goes out for the day, leaving the boys to "talk".

Sam woke up early. He hadn't set an alarm - Dean had made him promise to sleep, to get some rest. Apparently Souless-Sam hadn't been much of a sleeper.

Sam rolled from the bed and wiped his eyes. He trudged down the hallway to the bathroom, passing Dean's room, door shut, passing (Y/n)'s room... Door open ever so slightly, just a crack. 

Peering inside, Sam saw nothing. Literally, nothing. She wasn't in there, and neither were the bed sheets. He frowned and listened, trying to make a guess for her where abouts, and heard a shuffle, then sometime moving against a table. 

He followed the sound to the living area, and found (Y/n) sitting in the living area, on the couch with her duvet over her lap. In one hand she held a hand mirror, the other was using a small brush to apply something to her eyelids. 

"Did you sleep in here?" Sam asked softly.

"Not the whole night," she told him without looking away from the mirror. "I sometimes struggle to sleep in there."

He walked over to the coffee machine to see she had already made it. He frowned. Shaking his head he took a mug and filled it with the warm, bitter smelling liquid. 

"You drink coffee now?" 

She put the brush down and took a tube of something, unscrewed it reveal a mascara brush and began applying it to her eyelashes. 

"The after taste reminds me of cigarette smoke," she murmured, concentrating on her art work. "But I accidentally over dosed on pro-plus three weeks ago and Cas had to knock me out. Dean will only let me have caffine in the form of coffee now."

Sam snickered.

She smiled at his giggle. She hadn't heard him sincerely laugh at anything in so long. 

"What are you getting all prettied up for?" 

(Y/n) started putting all her make up back into a bag on the table, and she gathered her duvet up in her arms.

"I'm going to a meeting, of sorts," she told him as she stood. "I have an arrangement with Samuel... Cas is coming with me."

"What?!" Sam asked in outrage. "You can't go and meet with him without me or Dean!"

"Sam. I'm taking the all-powerful angel, I'll be fine," she promised. "Plus, you and Dean have some catching up to do."

She walked out of the living area with her possessions in her arms, making her way to her room to get dressed. Sam watched her as she walked away, shocked at her defiance... And how much perkier her arse had gotten. 

                                                                                                      ---------------

Dean met (Y/n) coming out of his room. She was dressed in a plain, black short sleeved shirt that she had tied a knot in the front of, exposing her stomach. The jeans she wore were also black, and high waisted. She wore a burgundy belt, with a large gold circular buckle that sat just below her belly button piercing, exposing the top ball. Her boots matched the belt - they were some boots, thigh high with a cylinder, chunky heel. She'd done her make up too, eyeshadow and everything.

"You look a little too pretty to be meeting my not so dead, dead grandfather," he told her.

"Yes, well charm doesn't seem to work on him," she adjusted the bracelets on her wrist. "So, I thought I'd try this, and if he's still an arsehole, Cas is gonna angel woop his ass."

Dean smiled, and quickly kissed her forehead.

They walked out to the living area together and found Sam and Castiel talking. 

"Those aren't the most practical looking boots," Sam said, taking her whole appearance in.

She frowned, "thanks?"

There was an awkward pause, and the silence began to creep in.

"Someone should say something," Cas said, looking between each of them. "Or there is the risk that this could become awkward."

"Are you ready to go?!" (Y/n) snapped at the angel.

Castiel extended his hand to her, and she took it. And they were gone, leaving Sam and Dean alone.

A moment of silence passed by between the brothers. 

"What are we meant to do while they're gone?" Sam asked, outraged that Dean would allow (Y/n) to go without them.

Dean walked over to the fridge, reached inside and pulled a couple of beers out. He tossed one to Sam. 

"We're gonna chill... Brother bonding and stuff."

                                                                                   ---------------------------------------

Dean insisted that "brother bonding" required replacing the Impala's brake pads. It was clear to Sam that Dean found it easier to mess about with cars rather than to talk about the elephant in the room. The multiple elephants.

Hell.

Sam's behaviour when he was walking around without a soul.

(Y/n)... and Dean.

Sam knew there was something neither of them were telling him.

"What is that?" Sam asked, looking at the massive Ford Ranger parked beside the Impala. 

It was huge, all blacked out and brand new. He opened the driver's cab and looked around the inside. The seats were black leather and spotless, the back seats matching, except for the small pink fluffy cushion in the centre of the seats. There was a pink air freshener hanging by the rear view mirror; a pink petaled flower, but the centre of the flower was a pug's face. Sam chuckled at the silly circular thing.

"(Y/n)?"

Dean laughed. "Yeah. Pretty funny, such a little lady driving round in such a monster, but it was what she wanted, she chose it, so..."

"How did she afford it brand new?"

There was a pause.

"She didn't," Dean admitted. "I bought it for her. Birthday present... We did a hunt in Vegas, I mixed a little business with pleasure and I won pretty big."

Sam shut the car door.

"Dean, you really took care of her," he said sadly. "I want to thank you for that... Whatever soulless-me did to mess it up, you were there for her."

Dean didn't reply. What could he even begin say?

"You have feelings for her, don't you?" 

"Sammy-"

"It's okay," the younger Winchester assured him. "I understand, you know? Me being gone, it was tough for both of you. You had each other, and it made sense for you guys to start something."

"Sam, it's not like that."

"Then how is it , Dean?" Sam was shouting now, his anger escalating. "Explain it to me!"

"I will," Dean promised. "But, you need to know that it wasn't like I haven't already had this conversation with you, you just don't remember because you were walking around without a soul."

"Wait, I knew? Was it tough the first time, when you told me?" Sam asked, realisations setting in. 

Dean shook his head. "Sammy, you didn't give a crap. You hurt her, physically, more than once. You slept with multiple other women and flaunted them in her face... You told her to move on, with me."

Sam sat down on the hood of the Impala, his face in his hands. 

"Sammy, I'll tell you everything, I promise," Dean told him, laying a hand on his shoulder. "But please try to understand the position we were in, please try to see it from our side, and please, _please_... don't leave us again."

Sam nodded, and he listened to his brother's side of the story. 


	7. The Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (Y/n) and Sam have THAT conversation.

Dean and Sam stood in the lounge area. They had their talk, it was awkward. Dean wasn't sure they would be the way they had always been, but Sam said he understood. He also didn't expect Dean to stop loving (Y/n) just because he was back. He knew it was his own fault, and all the mistakes he had made were being punished.

Sam truly believed it was all his own fault. The first mistake he made was going to hell and sacrificing himself in the first place. (Y/n) had begged him not to, and to live the few days the world could have had left together. Dean begged him not to do tit for the greater good, but Sam did. He threw himself into Hell, taking Lucifer with him. Every horrible thing he did without a soul was all down to him going to Hell in the first place. 

It was all his fault.

Obviously Dead had told him it wasn't. Sam had made a huge sacrifice to save the world, and the cost was much more than he had anticipated. He had thought he would go to Hell and be tortured by Lucifer forevermore. He hadn't thought him coming back to the land of the living was even possible. But, here he was, and he'd lost his girl through his own actions, actions he couldn't even remember. 

Dean's phone buzzed and he suddenly sprung into action. The second he glanced at the screen he grabbed the small bin tucked beside the couch.

"What are you doing?" Sam asked.

"Cas and (Y/n) are on their way back, angel travel doesn't agree with her."

At that very second, Cas appeared in front of Dean, holding (Y/n) up. She was doubled over, clutching her stomach. Dean placed the bin directly in front of her face and she violently vomited into it. Cas was still awkwardly holding her. Dean took some of her weight, as she clutched his arm while he held the bin under her face. He made a grossed out face as she looked up, making her laugh slightly. 

"Would you like to sit?" Cas asked her.

She nodded, a little breathless, and he guided her to the couch. Dean took the bin away, to clean it Sam hoped. Sam got her a glass of water and took it over. 

"I didn't know zapping places made you so sick," he told her, passing her the glass and sitting beside her. 

He sat about two feet away, on the other side of the couch, giving her some space.

She sipped the water gratefully. 

"Yeah, we mostly drive places, but Dean was worried about Samuel seeing plates, or me not being able to get away quick enough," she explained. 

(Y/n) realised that they were alone. 

"Look, I wanted to speak to you," Sam said cautiously. "Dean and I did a lot of talking this afternoon, and he told me al the things that that I did when I wasn't... Me."

(Y/n) looked at Sam with a worried look on her face.

"I'm so sorry for everything I put you through, and I would never, _ever,_ do anything to hurt you if I had been me," he went to reach out to her, but stopped himself. 

He sighed, clearly hesitating to say something. "I know about you and Dean."

He saw tears begin to gather in her eyes, and she had to really try not to cry.

"Sam, I-"

"No, it's okay!" He promised, taking her hands, unable to resist touching her. He noticed she didn't flinch. "I can't even begin to think what I put you both through, and I can only tell you how sorry I am for it all. But I understand you and Dean needing each other's support to begin with... I know it just escalated from there."

"We didn't want to hurt you, we completely forgot about each other when you came back... But things didn't go back to normal with us, and you told me and Dean that you..." she trailed off.

"I know, I know all of it," he said quietly.

There was a pause. 

"I love you, (Y/n). And I don't expect you to come back to me because I'm telling you that," Sam let her hands go. "I'm gonna give you the space you need. I'm always gonna be here for you, and I'm always gonna love you. But, at some point, you, me and Dean are gonna have to talk about this."

"What do you mean?" (Y/n) asked with a sinking feeling in her stomach.

"Well... We both love you, and I think you love us both too... But you can't be with us both, (Y/n)," he told her. "You're gonna have to make a choice."


End file.
